beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
