Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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