And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
