She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I love having hate sex.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
