as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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