When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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