So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
