hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
