Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
