She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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