So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
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I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
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We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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