Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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