i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
