hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
