Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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