The beer is more important than you right now.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
