kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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