Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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