We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
