I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
