so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize