he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
