I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
