he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
