Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
