when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
