how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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