isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
