Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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