I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
