Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
