So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
That accounts for only three of the penises
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
