Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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