I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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