I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
