Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
