very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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