3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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