I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
