I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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