the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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