1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
