I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
