You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
