at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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