so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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