New invention idea: vibrating tampons
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Randomize
