he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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