Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
