I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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