I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
