Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
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I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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