just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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