I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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