it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
