some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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