Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Come share oat with me in your robe
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
