I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
