I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
