so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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