Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
