guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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