Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
