Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
