everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
