I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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