How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
