I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Boobs are out for the taking
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
