Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
